Reflecting back

Cambodia, a place I now call home, and a place my heart aches for. So now I sit here crying wishing I could go back and hold the kids, tell them that I love them, tell them that they are important. I wish they knew how much I think, talk, and dream about them. I sit here in this big, roomy house and imagining it filled with those kids that I made such tight connections with. This thought makes me smile, it also makes me want to make that image a reality. My room feels so full of things I could give them. I want to give them everything. While I was in Cambodia I noticed that even though the kids had so little they wanted to give me everything. And I cherish those things that they insisted I keep! I find a way to connect everything and anything to the kids.

Last week I got the best phone call of my life. Lisa Marie had the kids call me and hearing their voices made a waves of wonderful memories flow through my head. The phone call consisted of many I love yous, followed by tons of I miss yous, and then a "when you come back?" Not knowing when I will be back breaks my heart in half. But I managed to get the words "I will come back soon," out of my mouth. Thank you Lisa Marie for letting me have the chance to talk to them and well meet them in the first place. You've changed my life.

<3Gena

Final Few Days

As we are nearing the end of the trip, we have been very busy. Yesterday, we got to sleep in for a little bit but at 12 o'clock sharp we left Tatoo Guest House to go to Siem Reap. We drove for about 6 hours and then we arrived at The Kool Hotel. Last night we went out to dinner and then went out to the night market to do some shopping. Having to bargin for everything was though at times but very exciting as well.

This moring, we were up at 4:15am to go to Angkor Wat temple to watch the sunrise. Then we went to a handful of other temples in the area. Each temple was so unique and so beautiful in its own way. The all are very detailed. Our tour guide Nat knew everything there was to know about the temples. When we were walking from temple to temple we found some monkeys sitting on the side of the road. One of the monkeys really liked Keavy and decided to climb up her and sit on her head. Keavy stood there motionless while the rest of us laughed at how cute he was perched up on her head. Keavy kept on repeating "What do I do?" None of us knew how to respond. Eventually Keavy bent down and the monkey jumped down. It was cute yet frightening that it could have bit her at any moment.

I still cannot wrap my head around the fact that we leave tomorrow. It seems like we've only been here a few days. But then again we i think back on all the thing we have done it seems like we've been here forever. I am so grateful for all the experiences i've had here so far. I wish i didn't have to go. This will be my final blog for my FIRST of many trips to Cambodia.

I can't wait to see everybody back home. Love and miss you all!! See you soon!!!

They Own My Heart

Last night couldn't have been any harder for me. Leaving the kids was awful. No one held back the tears, we all just cried till it hurt. Its hard for me to talk about last night without shedding a tear. I miss them all so much already, I can't imagine the pain coming for me in the future. But i will come back no matter what it takes. I love them too much to not come back.

Last night was wonderful up until jack came up to me and told me that we only have ten more minutes. This is when i could not control my tears. I cried harder than i ever had before. I hugged everyone as tight as i could and told them that i will come back soon and not to worry. This ten minutes turned into more like an hour. All i could hear during this time was the sounds of people crying around me. The only words that could come out of my mouth were i love you. I just kept repeating it over and over again. I would never had stopped saying it if we didn't have to leave. When we finally had to get in the tuk-tuk i was holding the hands of about 9 different kids. I wish i never had to let go. The tuk-tuk started to drive and the kids holding my hands started to run. I was screaming i love you!

I might not be with them right now but they will forever be apart of my heart! The impact they had on me was incredible and has changed me forever. I know by the way the were crying last night that i too had made an impact on them. I am so happy to have had this experience and wouldn't take a second of it back.

Today, to boost up our moods, we had fun all day. This morning, we went the a restaurant called Frizz and had a cooking class. In the class we made spring rolls and a fish dish. They were both delicious! After, we went to the royal palace! The entire thing was so beautiful! Every last detail was perfect!


I will come back to Cambodia! If home is where the heart is then Cambodia is my new home! The children of Cambodia own my heart and nothing could ever change that!

Right now we are off to a movie! Thank you all so much for supporting me on this amazing journey!!! I love and miss you all!! <3

The Helping Doesn't End Here

Reflecting back on these past couple of days really makes me realize how much I'm going to miss it here. I'm going to miss everything from the kids joyful, Always smiling faces, to the horrific smells of the market. Every moment has become a new experience, all of which i am grateful for.

The kids seem to get more and more incredible with every day. Today, while i was at the orphanage, I realize how much work we had done and how much we had helped them. All that's left is our goodbyes for tomorrow. It seems like just yesterday i came out of the tuk tuk and into the sea of kids for the first time. Tomorrow morning will be the last time of the trip to have that feeling.

Today, while i was playing with Sreyneath, she was called over by the director and handed a cell phone. Almost immediately her face lit up. The person on the other line was her mother. Sreyneath's mother is to sick to take care of her and lives in the slums of Phnom Penh. Although her mother cannot take care of her she still calls often to check to see how she is doing. Sreyneath's father is a solider and that is all she knows about him. I can tell that she misses them both terribly.

Later in the day, i was trying to explain to some of the kids what was happening tomorrow because it is our last day. This conversation quickly turned into sadness. Trying to cover up my own sadness told them that we should be happy and play today and tomorrow we can cry together. After saying this a girl named Sreypi burst out in tears. I hugged her tight and told her to save her tears for tomorrow. There is not a force in the world that will keep me from coming back to Cambodia. I must see them all again.

After each day i come back to Tat Too and all i do is think about how much i miss the kids at CPO. I wonder how i will cope with leaving them for months upon months. But i will come back within a year. There is not a doubt in my mind that i wont. I love them so much. They are all i can ever think about.

I must get some sleep because i have one of the hardest days ahead of me. I love and miss you all!!!  Thanks you for following me on this amazing journey!! <3

The Moments

Time is passing by too fast here in Cambodia. Every second, memory, and moment is one that i will cherish in my heart forever. This journey is a once in a life time experience and i don't want to miss any of it. I love it here and i dread the thought of leaving more and more with every second. I am in love with each and every one of the children. There will always be a special place in my heart for them and only them.

The past couple of day have been spent with the most wonderful people on the planet. Seeing them smile is a irreplaceable feeling that will warm up you heart. That feeling never gets old. I love them more with each hug, smile and laugh. Yesterday, as well as today we worked on fixing up the yard and chicken coop. It was lots of work but seeing the end project gave us all a feeling of accomplishment. Our yard work will give them more room for crops, which means more food for the kids. Our work in the chicken coop gives the chickens a cleaner and safer environment to live in. Know that i did all that is very rewarding.

Today, we gave out clothes to all the kids. Each one got one outfit and a pair of shoes. I have never seen children be so grateful for what we take as so little. The thank yous never stop but then again neither does our giving. We are constantly giving out little candies or pictures. All of the little things add up to the big picture in the end and with every day that picture is growing and growing.

I love getting to know each one of their personalities. Its funny how much you can learn about someone with out them even telling you anything. I love being able to look into their eyes and know how they are feeling. I want to look back on this trip and know that i gave them my all. I don't want to regret not doing something. So while I'm here i going to work my hardest! I wish you all could have this experience with me. Every moment I've been here has changed me in an incredible way. Words cannot describe how grateful i am for this entire experience.

I love and miss you all!! Thanks for following me on this incredible journey!!! <3

fathers day and birthday

I want to wish my daddy a happy father's day!!!!! I love you so much!!! and can't wait till i get back to see you!!!

And a happy birthday to my grandma!!!! i love and miss you so much!! <3

Orphanages

The past 2 days we have been very busy with nonstop helping. In these 2 day we have traveled to 4 orphanages other than CPO to deliver supplies. It has been tiring but rewarding to be able to help in so many ways.

Yesterday morning we went to CPO which is where we spend the majority of our time. At CPO i have a boyfriend named Hoon. Hoon is 16 and I love him so much. We dance together whenever the orphanage has its dance parties. He's an incredible dancer, with moves the world has not seen before. Hoon doesn't know he's my boyfriend but i tell everyone anyways. I dread the day i have to leave him and will miss him terribly. It isn't just Hoon who can dance, everyone at the orphanage can dance like nobodies business. I love how all of their little faces light up when they hear the music playing. I always have one of their songs stuck in my head. Sreyneath seemed very down during yesterday's dance party, so i kept asking her what was wrong. She never answered me but i could tell by the look on her face that she was upset. Sreyneath as well as some of the other orphans go to school in the afternoon. She was about to leave for school, when she gave me the biggest hug and stared bawling. I hugged he once more and said goodbye. Watching her walk to school with tears in her eyes was one of the worst moments. I hope to bring back her beautiful smile when i see her tomorrow.

After leaving CPO early yesterday we headed over to CHA where last year's trip volunteered their time. CHA was very run down. It once had 75 happy loving kid, now it is only left with about 20 sad and hungry kids. The director told us the kids had been eating regularly but we all could tell the haven't been as they scarfed down the left over bars we had in our bags. Today we went to 3 different orphanages to give them supplies. There is always a great feeling of accomplishment after leaving an orphanage with everyone of their happy faces running after our tuk tuk.

Yesterday we also went into the slums which was one of the hardest this i have ever experienced. Seeing this made me appreciate everything i have. My sunglasses covered up the fact that i had tears in my eyes. I couldn't believe that people were living like that.

That is all for now! Thanks for all the support!!! love and miss you all!! <3